Friday, July 6, 2012

#21 - Colorado -- Take Two

If you have not read blog entry #5 - Colorado, please read it first or none of the following will seem wondrous.

--  Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire.
                                                                            --  Arnold H Glasgow

We hiked to the Pool and back today!   It was such a fun experience for me and a huge triumph.   I could tell from the very beginning that I was setting a much faster pace than the last time.   Pretty soon, my father pointed out that the place we were passing so quickly was the spot I asked him how much farther to the arches.   The significance of this is that when I asked that question in the first trip, that was when I had accepted that I wasn't going to finish and was trying to determine whether to give up and turn around or to at least make it to the arches.   This time, I wasn't even a little fatigued.

Soon we 'round the bend to the arches and I can't believe how easy it has been.   We stop for a short reflection and water break.  Then we head on up to the Pool.   It feels fantastic to hit a goal like that.   It took me back to my younger days when I would set new goals and accomplish them regularly on hikes like these.   It made me realize how much progress I've made in a few short months.

The walk back was similarly easy.   By the last quarter mile or so, I was feeling some pain in my feet and joints.  Mostly due to some of the steep downhill portions and just my weight pounding my feet into some off the rocks.   But it felt great over all.

Even given my last month of nearly no progress, it is wonderful to realize how much progress I've achieved in such a short amount of time.   A hike, that I quit .7 miles early and still thought of as a death march, was now an easily obtainable success.   Perhaps future years will see me climb mountains again.   Rock climbing and rappelling.   Backpacking and camping.   Sky's the limit.

--  Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.
                                                                       --  Napoleon Hill

#20 - Struggling

-- Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.
                                        -- Edward R. Murrow

To say that the last month or more has been difficult, would be a severe understatement.  My diet has been loose and as a result, the scale has been unforgiving.   Work outs have been good and I feel stronger every day, but that is just the physical side of things.   The mental side is breaking down.

I am finding it too easy to rationalize bad food choices.   I am also eating too much of the good food choices.   And to add insult to injury, I am not keeping my food journal so I really have no idea how poorly I am eating.

All of this combined to give me the worst month of my journey.   For the entire month of may, I managed a meager 0.6 pound weight loss.  It is completely frustrating and infuriating because I know I am better than that.   I also know that if I want to make it to most of my goals, I have to produce much better numbers than that.

-- Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.
                                                    -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

And now, I am faced with a family trip to Colorado.  Normally, this is something I really look forward to doing.   This time, I am scared.   I am in the least secure mental space of my entire journey.  You only have to read my blog post about my meltdown on a previous trip to know why I am worried this time.   My family just doesn't get it.  They want to help and, with good intentions, offer to cook more meals at the cabin.  This is fine and dandy, but it isn't just being at restaurants.   My difficulties with this trip are that not only will I have to watch them eat all the junk food, but I will also have to be the reason they don't get to go eat/do what they want to do.   Why aren't we going out to eat?  Kevin.   Why aren't we going to the Taffy Shop?   Kevin.   Why aren't we doing Smores over a firepit?  Kevin.   Who wants that role?  

But, in the end, I will probably go.   I will try to maintain so I can watch my niece and nephews have fun in the mountains.   But I am terrified.   I get the news that I am in the least control of my journey in 14 months two days before I go on a trip practically designed to derail me.

--  In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
                              --  Albert Einstein

As for the general problem with my journey,  I need new motivation.  All my old goals still hold true and I still feel the same desires for success that I have had in the past.  But for whatever reason, they are not providing me with the same resolve that I have had in the past.   

So, I am going to re-read these blog entries.  I am going to list my successes.  I am going to acknowledge my failings.   And hopefully, I can find new motivations or, at the very least, renewed resolve.  The situation isn't drastically different.  The path to success is more or less the same.  It has to come from me. 

-- Things do not change; we change.
                       -- Henry David Thoreau